It’s the age of online shopping, but guys still have to go through that nightmare of trudging through shopping centres, carrying bags and bags of clothes and wondering how they were tricked into missing the football on a Sunday morning. If you’re reading this you’ve more than likely been on one of the two sides of this story, so read on and relive the torment or revel in knowing your loved one sticks by you no matter what. Even shopping.
1. Feeling anxious
Just as you’re about to enter your prison for the next few hours, you start asking yourself the question “How long will we be here?” You can never know the answer to this question, and so the anxiousness starts.
2. Feeling proud
Shortly into the expedition, the anxiousness is replaced by pride. What a fine boyfriend I am, I’m doing great! Here starts the ill-fated and short-lived belief that you can tough out the rest of the day thanks to this sense of pride in your work.
3. Search for a seat (unsuccessfully)
It’s the weekend, so it’s not just you and your partner who have the time off work. The shopping centre is filled with people and just when you think you’ve found a seat it’s cruelly whisked away from you at the last possible moment. Life isn’t fair sometimes, especially in the mall on a Saturday.
4. Becoming a fashion consultant
A decision that is both in your hands (doing it for lack of a seat) and out of your hands, at some point in the day you’ll be your girlfriend’s assistant. When she can’t decide what dress/hat/shirt is better, you’re the one she calls on. At this point you briefly glance up from your phone, pick the nearest one to you and return to Facebook/Twitter/Instagram. You know it doesn’t matter anyway, as the one she prefers already is getting bought.
5. Hating other shoppers
With all this time spent in your own head you turn your attention to the others around you. Why are they here? Why couldn’t they stay at home? It’s then when you realise that you hate everyone within 100 feet of you who isn’t your partner, and that could change if she takes any longer.
6. Feeling hungry
Ironically, despite being a stone’s throw away from a food court, you’ve never been hungrier in your life. “Just one more place” is like fingernails scraping down a blackboard to your stomach.
7. Overwhelming joy
You’ve done it, you made it to the end and you couldn’t be happier. That is, until you’re told you she realises some of the clothes aren’t her style, which you’ll be returning after work on Monday.